Last year, something happened for the first time and I didnt know what to do. Everything I did felt like it wasn’t working. I felt ashamed and guilty because I was in a position to help, but I never told anyone about the situation. One of my best friends was going through depression and who knows, probably more. His dad had died a couple of months prior and was the root of the situation., I had class with my friend everyday, we had woodshop, avid and even had the same lunch. Suddenly, I noticed he stopped coming to school. I thought to myself, maybe he's sick or he's on a trip. Three weeks passed and I was worried, he never answered any of my texts, then one day, I saw him walking in the hallway with his mom. He told me his dad had died. My heart sank, I couldn't imagine what he was going through. I was at a loss for words and emotion, all I could say was “I’m sorry”.
My friend was sad, to the point where doing the things he loved like hanging out, listening to music, watching movies and playing video games didn’t interest him anymore.I tried so hard to help him grieve and tell him things would be okay but his thoughts and feelings took control of him. He started to blame himself for his dad's death and I told him he couldn't think like that because it wasn't his fault. I said, “don’t worry, things will work out” and “just relax” sounding like a broken record. I stayed up many nights with him so that he wasn't alone and it hurt me that he was having thoughts that it was his fault. Oftentimes when I tried to talk to him he would say “Leave me alone” and that made me sad because he didn't want to talk to me but all I was trying to was help him. Making sure he was okay and being there for him wasn’t working. If I didn't do something fast, something bad could happen.
Those guilty feelings turned into something I had never imagined: suicidal thoughts.Studies show one of the leading causes of death for teenagers is suicide which is 11%. I had never dealt with anyone who was having those thoughts. As a friend, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because I don't know what to do to help my friend and I was frustrated that I wasn't helping. Everything I told my friend that he didn't believe. This started to take a toll on me too, I started to think I was a bad friend because I wasn't doing anything. I took a step back and thought about what I was doing wrong. I thought about how I would feel if I were in his shoes. I decided my next decision was going to work, he was gonna get the help he needed. I told one of my teachers about the situation and she asked me what I was doing to help. At this time, my friend kept telling me that he “didn't want to be here” and “ I think I’m just gonna OD”. I broke down crying because it hurt to read that, knowing he was trying to harm himself. Telling my teacher what my friend had said was hard, I was devastated and couldn't talk. My teacher did the things that I couldn’t do like telling his mom and getting him legal help. My teacher told me “Everything you did, you were just trying to help. Even though he doesn't want to see or talk to you right now, he will come around and thank you later”. I then said “I don't understand why he's resisting my help. I’m checking in on him every 4 hours and he just doesn't want it”. My friend was mad at me when I told him what I did, he didn't talk to me for a couple of days. Even though he didn't talk to me, it was relieving to know he was getting the help and support he needed.
Although I can never tell what is going on in someone's head, I can tell he is doing much better. This situation made us stronger because we’re able to trust each other. He’s going to college and I know there are great things awaiting for him in the future. I am impressed how he has thought about his decisions and he thinks about how it will affect him. Being there for him helped him get out of the dark cloud and ultimately made him realize that life is good.